Keeping the money in your family

By Michael Knight

Friday 1 May 2009

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After observing many personalities over my lifetime I have noticed there are certain types of people that would rather spend money on themselves or take money away from their family and children and spend it on others to either promote or protect their so called self image. Why people concede to their ego before the humanity of their family simply befuddles me, but hey, maybe I am missing something.

The same has been a common theme during Separation and Divorce with many parents giving money away endlessly to lawyers as if there was no tomorrow or no better purpose for the money to be spent on. Hello — wake up these people — it's called your future and that of your children and their children.

Tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars pour out of family assets into the hands of waiting lawyers and other professionals who prepare and wait for the money to be handed over. What's worse more often than not, is that there is absolutely no reason for this redirection of funds. It's complete stupidity or more to the point ignorance by many of us. Yes I was once ignorant too, through a lack of information available to me! However, allowing lawyers to act for you in the beginning is rarely the best policy, as most people who have been burnt will surely tell you.

While it's true that certain family lawyers and professionals incite division between parents that often exacerbate the conflict and induce litigation beyond reasonable expectation, it's ultimately the responsibility of the parents and extended family members to be wise in managing a family Separation and their finances over which they have control. The blame cannot be laid at anybody else's feet save their own.

The all too common fatality is that many parent's and children suffer big time after the legal battle is over, with an assortment emotionally and financially damaged souls littering our streets every year, asking themselves "oh why did I do it that way and waste all our money".

Sometimes it's more the realisation of doing it the wrong way that kills people.

If you get good advice from a Separation Consultant, a small consolation in your years of rehabilitation can be that your Separation had minimal harm upon your children, a fair division of your family assets were proportioned, minimal legal fees were expended, with both parents remaining civil with a strong possibility of reuniting as friends some way down the track after the hurt has subsided. You will be able to look back and say thank goodness we did it the right way for our kids and ourselves.

So the trick upon a Separation is to first seek support and control your emotions and fears, getting your head clear. By all means get some legal advice from a lawyer but don't have them automatically 'ACT' for you. However if you do, simply understand this is when you just maybe starting a war of litigation and demise of all those in your family. It might be a war you won't like, can't control the outcome of or when it ends. Once a hurricane starts up it's a bit hard to say when it will actually end — all we know is that it can do a lot of serious damage!

At the point you place a lawyer in charge of your affairs is the moment you have just given away all of your power and control, and possibly any chance of resolving your Separation amicably and without substantial costs. When a lawyer's meter starts, so does the potential of clocking up big $$$, with the sound of courts, a myriad of highly priced barristers, psychologists, other so called professionals will all be putting their hands up to be paid. And that's just the start of it!

Family lawyers often employ strategies that divide the parents diminishing communication between you both, increasing anger, frustration that exacerbates conflict cause the situation to become more inflamed and often out of control. Chances are you and the kids will begin to suffer more as a result of this loss of control increasing confusion and hostility. If you think there is a win here — please let me know.

So do everything to be clear about what you want right from the start. Seek out as much advice from people who have been down the path you are about to embark.

Remember "Chance favours the prepared mind".

With love and kindness
Michael