Time to dump it

By Michael Knight

Wednesday 8 July 2009

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If after many years of Separation from the end of the battle you feel you are still not making it in the new world, in other words lost, desperate times call for desperate measures. If you can't integrate the old life with the new, letting go off the past and everyone in it maybe the only way by which you can truly move on and make a fresh start.

If you're not getting help, love and support from people around you sometimes it's best to acknowledge and be grateful why they were in your life, and then move on.

Be strong in knowing that you can make it on your own, being careful this time to only choose kind, loving, caring and supportive people as your friends, companions and lovers.

First of all, it's important to understand and accept the events that have unfolded and you have been apart of up until this point in time. This may include varying degrees of confusion and distress often brought on by abnormal conflict with the ex, in and out of a legal setting, and the demons and issues that dwell inside of you. If we are to be totally honest here, it's only your issues that it's ever about. It's no one else's fault or doing, it's all about you. It's a hard truth that some are not willing to accept, however ultimately, it's the pill that must be taken by all of us to begin the recovery process.

In addition to dealing with your ex and all the difficulties that were presented to you, your inside issues and the exhaustive personal development you undertook (didn't you, hmmm ... cough, cough you say) to fix yourself up and get through it all, you may have had to battle with and defend yourself and possibly your children in and against what you perceived as an unfair and unjust legal system, including all it's partners in crime, simply to the point of burnout. But no matter what it cost you, if you got your children through to adulthood with as little harm as possible to them, well done to you for that.

Regardless of what has happened, it maybe time to shed the old skin. But please don't deny, ignore or dismiss the harm you were subjected to, it was no doubt awful with many of us having a story to tell of suffering and hardship with varying degrees of severity, or it could be seen as a victory of unprecedented proportions in your life. So again, well done, you are still here. And where there's life there is always hope.

So now for the winter clean out. Move on from everyone you've known who aren't positive support, everything you've been forming as your current identity, the work you do in your daily grind that you have little or no passion for, and just plain old stuff that gives you little or no benefit. It all has to go, be ruthless if you can.

It's time to dump it all because your life is not working for you! I know you have tried and still keep trying, hoping for improvement, but alas your new and improved life seems to keep it's distance in the dark shadows just out of reach. The closer you get, the farther it becomes.

Another thing. Dump that word TRYING. It needs to be tossed off the bridge as it's a nonsensical word that will get you nowhere. It doesn't do anything. Your life is either working or it isn't. It's time to sharpen up those black and white traits floating around inside you if you're wanting to move into that wonderful life you've always dreamed of... right?

There are those that help you, and there are those that hinder. So it's time to scrap it all, well, those bits that aren't working. Are you scared? Yes, a little apprehension and the uncertainty of what the future holds is fair enough, but really, can we ever be certain of how the future will pan out? Cos really, all we have is now, this precious moment you have whilst reading these humble words on a computer screen I've assembled to hopefully give you some benefit. So there you go.

As part of my own medicine, and practicing what I preach, it maybe I have to give up placing my attention on Separation and the past, this website, writing articles, running groups and halting the grand mission that was planned to aid humanity in respect of revolutionising the ugly Separation and Divorce industry for the benefit of families.

However, in keeping with this article I may just have to dump the world of Separation, the many drafts and topics I still wish to bring to light for those who may benefit, sending my writing into retirement. Yay they all say.

Closing this chapter of my life is what maybe I need to do, although at this stage I'm not completely 100% sure if it's the right thing to do. Some time maybe needed for me to assess the competing needs of helping others versus my own. I guess time will tell...

With love, kindness and peace always
Michael