All outa love

By Michael Knight

Saturday 20 June 2009

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No matter how many months or years later the wounds and scars of the Separation process still run deep for many of us, causing unimaginable hurt to those unlucky to have been the recipients of a serious conflictual family breakdown. Although after many decades of giving people a free pass to inflict carnage upon families it's hard to think that anybody's been spared the cruel blow of Separation savagery.

Although your pain heals somewhat with time, there are still crippling moments when you feel all alone, really alone! Like a knife sticking into your heart deep, burying itself deeper and twisting until you fall to the ground unconscious. You feel that nobody loves you and you're going through feelings of loss constantly by yourself on a cyclic basis, for how long now you can't really remember.

You can't seem to get your life back on track, let alone doing something useful or achieving your dreams. Now that's a really a sad place to be, and my heart goes out to you, it really does as I know these feelings well.

When nobody's there for you and your heart and stomach aches to the depth of all eternity, you just feel like ending it all. The pain is excruciating. Your head hurts with continual attempts at solving this problem of your happiness and purpose for really living.

All you wanted was to love and be loved in return. Not hard you say — think again.

Have you been trying to hold it all together for others for so long, but who's looking after you? Who's looking after your heart in those dark alone times? It all seems a bit empty after a family of love and purpose, no matter how difficult some times were.

But now, when feeling blue's a mere pinch on the way you're feeling now, without the proper support and love you need to survive, you logically think, hope and pray the suffering will end soon. Sometimes you battle with the justification of really living at all. Why live, who are you living for or what? Would the world be a better place of without you, what do you have to offer, is death really that bad for those who are left behind. Possibly not, they will learn to cope, everyone does or they don't.

Are you really alone with people around you but just not feeling supported?

Have you reached out to people but just don't get the help when you really need it most?

Do other people feel like you? How do you connect with them you wonder, and would this help being around people who have suffered a similar fate? These people maybe more understanding, compassionate and empathetic of your plight. I dare say yes, this would help. Give it a shot.

What is really missing, that splash of water that will quench the fire of agony?

Are you just having a bad day, triggered by an event perhaps?

You know it maybe better later or tomorrow — but for now, a pill that ends it all looks mighty fine.

God's love just doesn't cut it when you're suffering in pain and feeling tortured. However, all those religious folk will surely have a biblical answer for you, defending God's absence and your suffering. But of course Jesus suffered too so what am I whinging about. Why don't I just grow up and get over it as one person I know would say?

Anyway, for what it's worth hang in there, send me an email or post a comment and for crying out loud, go knock over another bottle of red, if you can afford it. Christ, if we can do nothing else, we can at least keep the liquor companies churning over a profit. Sigh...

Michael