The Reason for Leaving (Download)

By Michael Knight

Wednesday 9 February 2011

Article: 3,781 chars

Tweet

0Comments

Whilst there are many different factual reasons as to why people Separate, there are far fewer cases where people give an honest description of these reasons to their former partner either prior to or sometime after leaving the relationship, revealing the full truth. In some cases it's often left to the almost forgotten ex and family to guess what's happened and to decipher the mystery.

Although being honest to your ex about why you are leaving is the best policy to adopt for all concerned, no matter how bad it may look, feel or be, as you must keep in mind it's not all about you, the unfortunate truth is that many who are deserted are never afforded an honest explanation.

This in turn often causes a prolongation of the loss and grief cycle hindering healing and closure having added in confusion, doubt and uncertainty, with your head telling you one thing, your heart and intuition another. It smacks of immaturity, selfishness and disrespect on the part of the person who has left, not being open and honest informing your dearly departed of the truth — a special person who was once someone who you no doubt shared close and intimate moments with, and presumably god's gift — children.

This totally undeserving dose of dishonesty on top of unilaterally exiting the relationship and possibly abandoning children can be a cruel and thoughtless blow for the ones being left behind.

Different reasons mean different things to different people and as such, there is no one simple explanation as to why people Separate.

When people decide to go their Separate ways, the true reasons behind the breakup are either blatantly obvious, such as a revealed infidelity or new partner being shown off like some kewpie doll, or the reasons maybe consciously hidden and masked by stories such as "he kept putting the sugar bowl in the wrong place" and other excuses when really, she didn't like the fact he was talking too often, over the fence to the pretty woman next door, causing her to feel painfully jealous, insecure and undervalued.

In this example, the wife was unfortunately unable to convey her feelings in a a proper and assertive way, grew resentful over time and then wanted a divorce. Alternatively, had she been able to convey her feelings, her husband would have had the opportunity to curb his chatting with the woman next door and reassure his wife that he still loved and only had eyes for her. Simple — yet so complicated, with the possibility of a messy, costly and unnecessary divorce proceeding for the whole family now imminent.

Good communication, openness of feelings, love and understanding are common ingredients needed to maintain strength and vitality in any relationship. In this example, the first two were definitely missing.

Also, the reason behind why people Separate can often determine the way the Separation process pans out. Whether it's an amicable and peaceful resolution between parents usually keeping all family members in some form of civil and regular contact, or whether it heads down a path of bitter feuding up to their eyeballs in litigation and rehab spanning more than a decade.

The cause of Separation can be bigger than what you think, with serious effects. In short, this all important reason is serious stuff! It can literally mean the difference between a reasonable level of peace and calm or hell and deprivation for the whole family and all those who become involved.

Some people are easily hurt, causing them to react badly and viciously depending on their maturity, while others can absorb more of the shock and hurt maintaining a greater sense of self control. Either way is certainly not easy and no picnic.

With love, kindness and peace
Michael