Being comfortable with your Self

By Michael Knight

Thursday 9 December 2010

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Following a Separation or Divorce can see you sometimes struggle in re-establishing your zest for life, finding new purpose and partaking in all the delights life has on offer. A struggle that can often be exacerbated if your sense of self was not adequately formed and valued highly enough throughout childhood and early adulthood before co-habitation or the birth of your children.

The loss of a strong identity in either you or the other parent can be a root cause in the ultimate demise of your family, especially so if positive changes are not made to resolve the identity crisis and relevant personal issues that lay within beforehand. This may include some personal development to raise awareness, increase knowledge and implementation of strategies to strengthen your Self.

Often it is only a small correction in one's subconscious that is needed to change how your life unfolds. One example is of a child who had "don't be selfish" drummed into his head in a family who struggled to make ends meet on a daily basis. This young boy contending with the loss, buried guilt and pain of his parent's separation, and adult like responsibilities being thrust upon him as the eldest sibling and pseudo man of the house, fractured his ability to form a strong identity of his self, needs and boundaries.

Now as a middle aged man, and by simply changing his belief that it was ok to do and have things just for himself, and that no one would see him in a bad light, and he wouldn't be letting his family down and causing them to suffer, decades of accumulated pain was finally milked from this man's soul as tears poured down his face.

It was definitely not this man or little boy's fault, however he had been paying a very high price carrying this baggage around effecting his life for a very long time and the many relationships he was involved in. It has been a long and slow path and will require time, however this man is learning to be and do things on his own — feeling strong, self assured and happy. This is not a gender specific issue nor is it an isolated occurrence.

Today this man still embarks on a journey to help others and make the world a better place within which to live, however it's from a place where he is free of the shackles of pain, guilt, loss, torment and self imposed limitations born out of the past. He now does things that make him genuinely feel happy and attracting into his life all the things he didn't believe he was worthy of. He has a new, loving and connected relationship and is prospering in all avenues of his life that he once blocked out through misguided beliefs and low self esteem.

He has come to truly know it was not his fault his parents broke up and that he is not a selfish person like he was once led to believe, but in fact extremely generous, and able to recommence a new life and integrate with society once more, although in a different, more healthy and productive way.

Post Separation you may find yourself either seeking solidarity or diving into other relationships with your head or heart, or in a bid to compensate for the pain and loss you have encountered. Whatever direction you decide to take, first be comfortable in your own skin, not needing or expecting anyone to fulfill you is possibly the smartest, safest and healthiest place to be. All the good things that follow thereafter is like icing on the cake.

With love, kindness and peace
Michael