Self care & self love are so important

By Michael Knight

Tuesday 15 December 2009

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Throughout life we all trade our time and resources for the time and resources of others known as a mutual form of exchange. Not always equal but in many instances a fair trade nonetheless.

However, there are some people who will draw on your time and energy if you let them without giving a lot back, just like a vampire sucking the life force right out of you leaving you feeling almost dead and buried. If you are aware of this and fine with it great, else read on.

If you are a helping and caring type of person as many people are, notably primary carers in families, you may succumb to the perils of staying locked within certain habits and patterns of giving that are no longer working for you, possibly transferring your generosity during child rearing and after having grown up and left the nest, to others in the community who also appear to require some level of assistance from you for possibly little or no return, or maybe the wrong type of return altogether known as a negative payoff.

Whilst some people genuinely need help from time to time and it's always humanitarian to offer support, there are many in society who will draw upon your generosity extracting your talents, skills, time, energy and resources without a fair return for your true worth, as this is what they do best. In fact some institutions train people on how to do this and draw upon those who perhaps have poor self worth, shaky boundaries and weak or undefined values who are so willing to give, for perhaps a feeling of being appreciated or accepted.

Whilst giving to others may seem familiar to you, make you feel good rewarding you with a certain level of satisfaction and above all is no doubt a wonderful and gracious thing to do with it being possibly the only thing you can really ever do that's worthy, sometimes you may feel as though you are suffering in silence on a deeper level, not achieving what you really want nor receiving that right level of care and concern that you have so abundantly given to others for so long. It can feel like quite a travesty really, causing you to wonder where you have gone wrong and what must you do to change things to become better valued. Is it time for a narcissistic pill or two you may ask yourself?

Suffering the negligence of some level of care from either yourself or others may cause you to cease giving outwardly to certain types of people or organisations as you have done so freely in the past. This is not necessarily bad, in fact it is a good thing to get this wake up call as you are beginning to question who you are (once again perhaps), what you want and where you want to go. It's a healthy sign of change so be grateful for this period when it comes.

So what can you do?

By firstly popping up your boundaries and start practicing greater self love and self care is possibly the key. Unfortunately, as much as you may want or expect love and care from others, the reality is you can only truly give it to yourself.

Your boundaries simply define what you give out and to who, and what you let in and from who. Boundaries help you to be clear about what you are exchanging for your time, energy and resources. Simply, be aware and clear about what you give out and let in and certainly don't keep that drawbridge on the castle always up or down.

Self love and self care can perhaps be defined by what truly makes you feel excited, energised and alive. Doing what's makes you feel good and following these feelings all the way is possibly the essence of it all.

Following your feelings of pleasure 100% of the time isn't always possible or is it?

Perhaps it's just a matter of realigning your life, the people and things in it, your responsibilities and commitments, into a form of always working for you. Remember if the glass is always half full, not half empty your life can become more fulfilling and stress free.

So don't stop giving to others, just simply give much more to yourself and fill up your bottle of love, enthusiasm and zest for life. Remember the more you have, the more you can give away —

With love, kindness and peace
Michael