Let's hear it for our children (Download)

By Michael Knight

Wednesday 9 December 2009

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When getting caught up in our own life with our emotions and relationship woes as parents, and then add that to our immaturity and personality, it's easy to see that we don't always make the best choices about what's really in the best interest's of our children, as much as we want to and try really hard to do so.

It takes real effort to give our children the best, as usually we only give our children what we know and believe to be the right stuff, what we received as a child and what we can afford. Our children are essentially limited by ourselves as parents. This does not mean that we don't love them or provide them with the best we can possibly give — no, not at all. In my view, love is always the primary ingredient as from this love, will all good things grow, providing all the nourishment your children will need.

Also keep in mind that there is not one parent throughout history that has been a perfect parent, so don't stress to achieve the impossible. However, ensuring your children are happy, feel loved and that they belong, safe and well provided for both physically and psychologically is about the best any parent can do.

So what can we be mindful of as parents when either going through a Separation or about to, in order we do the best by our dear children who we love so much?

Here are but a few reminders:

1. As much as we are angry, hurt and upset every effort should be made to ensure conflict is minimised, especially around children.

2. Seek out and maintain strong positive support networks outside your immediate family for enjoyment, venting, strategies and some sense of normality to keep you balanced and happy. The happier you are, despite the awfulness of the breakup, the happier and more well-balanced your children will be. After all, our aim as parents is to raise children so they can be strong, healthy and happy adults.

3. Avoid or at least minimise putting the other parent down to yourself and other adults, apart for some brief venting and dealing with grief issues of course. Keeping these bad thoughts out of your head will keep your mind healthier and minimise any long term damage you may cause yourself and loved ones through inappropriate actions and behaviour that stem from negative thoughts. Incorporate some understanding and acceptance that the other parent's behaviour is about them, not you, and you don't need to get into it, wasting your time, energy and health on horrible stuff. Keep in mind if you do get into a habit of thinking and talking about sad and horrid stuff, it may take a huge effort and some time to get out of this bad habit, so it's wise not to get into this habit in the first place.

4. Certainly avoid or minimise putting the other parent down in front of the children as this will hurt them. They are connected to both parents whether we like it or not. Keep in mind any attack on a parent is an attack on the children. This not only goes for a parent attacking another parent, but for any person or institution legal or otherwise doing so.

5. Any action of assault or deprivation in any form against a family, regardless of being amidst a Separation, is a crime against the children. This includes any loss of life and finances perpetrated by persons or organisations, save for a fair exchange of goods and services for money. This includes parents initiating and being caught up in litigation with lawyers and through Family Courts and the like.

6. Any external intervention by persons or authorities removing parents from children, or assaulting them without proper reason and foundation is also a crime against children, and upon humanity.

A good reminder for both mum, dad and others is that crimes that are deliberately inflicted upon children will be remembered by them in their adult years. Always do right by them, no matter what the personal cost to yourself, your children are the most precious gift on the planet so treat them with all the love and care you can muster. They may not appreciate your sacrifice in their younger years and maybe never at all, however you will always sleep well and feel comfort, peace and calm in your aging years knowing that you did the very best for your children. Seeing and being surrounded by your children and grandchildren in your latter years is part of the natural order of life and will serve you well.

With the Christmas and holiday season almost upon us, bless you all —

With love, kindness and peace
Michael