The Separator & the Separatee

By Michael Knight

Monday 26 October 2009

Article: 2,503 chars

Tweet

3Comments

From our research, Beyond Separation has found that the people who use our services and this site are mainly those parents who don't initiate the breakup, the 'Separatees' if you like. Yes, it's a new word I've just made up, not to be found in dictionaries or in the academic forums, well not just yet anyway.

The ones who initiate the split or 'Separators' shall we say, another new word, hardly ever think they're at fault, let alone need any support and personal development. Mind you, more often than not it's these type of people who are the first to run off to lawyers and the Family Court eager to show how proper and sanctimonious they are, and how the Separatee has been the cause of all the problems.

If only the Separators weren't so naive, immature, narcissistic or just plain old power hungry. Separators are quite often the home-breakers and not usually the caring or understanding type. They're usually the ones who want it all their own way, and have largely been used to getting it, no matter who gets hurt or misses out.

Nine out of ten times the Separatee was usually the reasonable one in the relationship and amicable to all forms of compromise and negotiation. Post Separation this was found to be equally true, as long as they were given some time to deal with the shock and grief of course, from being left high and dry in a pickle. However, if you rustled their feathers with bully tactics, unfairness and attempts to railroad them, they were pervious to retaliate with all the gusto they could muster, so watch out you Separators!

Unfortunately what was invoked in both the Separator and Separatee at some stage was fear. This was found to be at the root of almost all Separations that landed up in the courts, and believe me the legal industry and peripheral organisations know full well what to do with parents who are immersed with the sickness of fear. Yes, you guessed it. They exacerbate your fear and then open their pockets waiting for you to hand all your hard earned pennies over to them, so they then don't have to work as hard. Quite a clever ploy really.

So there you have it, a brief and acute take on the dynamics of Separation. Which one are you — a Separator or a Separatee?

Hopefully, you will be the one who exhibits some maturity, common sense, and respect to the other parent, no matter who leaves who. There is a lot to gain by Separating the right way, and a painful cost to all family members if not.

With peace
Michael